well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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