So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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