I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
