yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
