At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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