there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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