I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
4 words: hood of his car
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
