haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
