last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
