i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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