96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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