i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We have started to decorate penises.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
