i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
