I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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