Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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