Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
