do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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