I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My legs feel like baby dolphins
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
