In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
