The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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