Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Porn is love you can see.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
