I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
