btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
