just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
