and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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