Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
