i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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