My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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