ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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