No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My ATM looks so different sober.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
