brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
