Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

My entire life is one complicated drinking game

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(607): View more from New York

i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.

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(914): View more from New York

he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3

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(757): View more from Virginia

He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

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(703): View more from Virginia

the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

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(512): View more from Texas

he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"

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(406): View more from Montana

I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.

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