You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
