sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
