Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
