I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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