No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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