Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
