im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
