he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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