Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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