dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
