I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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