btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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