An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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