dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
