How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My pussy is not your playground.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
