so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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