And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
