Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
