WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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