my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
