I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize