I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
