it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
