I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
