i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
