shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
